Drawing attention to myself

It seems plain that the majority of people do not like drawing a lot of attention to themselves. I, on the other foot, am an egoic rapskallion who does not mind eyes on my pies on any given/shared day of the year. I also often find social conventions tedious. Furthermore, I do not always have ready access to a complete wardrobe. Catching up slowly with the southerly transition to the season of Spring, in my suitcase i have only long pants, Speedos and bike shorts. Yesterday was so warm here in Melbourne towne, too warm for jeans, in my honest hot-blooded opinion, so i simply dropped them off my slightly svelte hips and proceeding to do the Michael Klim through our ocean of air, here at ground level. It was quite enjoyable , if a little a intense in the self-consciousness department. I saw a few ladies give me eyes like the women in the Flight of the Conchords “SugaLumps” clip, and thus one of my main goals was achieved.  There was no apparent negative kerfuffle or strife, even ensuing from the burkah-wearing collective in Robinson Reserve, Coburg- a kind of live and let live in the land of the free sort of vibe, ostensibly. Nobody, no officer of the law found cause for complaint due to some interpretation of what is and what isn’t lewd or indecent. However today is also very warm, and not liking to be uncomfortable, I pulled the same stunt. This time, I had the amenable Sargeant Wainwright and his cohort very quickly and gently pull me aside…

“You’re not wearing any pants.”

“That’s correct.”

“You’re in your undies”

“No, i’m in my swimwear’

“Are you going to the beach?”

“I may choose to do that at some point”

“Not appropriate attire for the CBD, can we see some ID?”

“Now before we continue, Sargeant, I know PSO ask for names everytime they talk to people….”

“Ah, you don’t tell a fisherman how to fish, so don’t tell us how to do our job!”

“I don’t want to do that, Sargeant, but I do question the validity of your ostensible claim to my lewdity”

“We have a lot of thefts and stuff so…where have you come from?”

“JB HiFi”

“Did you buy anything?


“Have you been in trouoble w the police?”

“Nothing major.”

(time’s up. more later)

One thought on “Drawing attention to myself

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